Ah, the stock market. Something that has single-handedly changed my life since discovering it in November, it’s now having the same impact on millions of new traders keen to hop aboard the GME and AMC squeezes. No idea what any of it means? Don’t panic. This article is for you. The Eagles are entering a transformative offseason and there’s bound to be a lot of movement. But how would the roster look if players were stocks?
Buy the dip
Buying the dip and letting it rip is an integral stonk market tactic that involves buying more shares of your beloved company every time the price dips below your buy-in, or sees a huge drop after a nice run. This is because you believe in the bigger picture and as a result, any chance to add some value is a chance worth taking.
How can you not buy the dip on a stock you’ve yolo’d $127M on?! Wentz had a terrible 2020 season and you won’t need to tell any Eagles fan twice. However, with a refreshed coaching staff and a wake-up call, it’s hard not to almost double down on the troubled QB knowing that the Eagles did exactly the same.
We all know Wentz has it in him to play like one of the best QB’s in the NFL. How far down is that form buried behind broken mechanics and attitude critiques? That’s why the stock has turned into a sea of red, but it’s worth hoarding it while it’s cheap, just in case.
An injury-plagued year tells only half the story for a 5’9 CB who was tasked with playing outside last year…for some reason. Maddox should logically return home to his role as the starting nickel CB, where he is much better suited. With a new defensive coordinator in town too, it’s hard not to see the value here.
Short the stock
Shorting a stock is essentially betting on its price to drop. Included in this heading though for the sake of simplicity are stocks I would also be looking to sell this offseason.
Entering a very expensive option year in his contract, set to cost the team over $10M, this is a stock to get rid of. Barnett’s chance to shine was in 2020. Finally healthy and going into year 4, this was his chance to emerge as a real EDGE2. Instead, 5.5 sacks (2 vs whatever shopkeepers the Bengals had playing), 16 QB hits, and 32 hurries just didn’t scream breakout.
Barnett probably still has upside given his age and the fact he does now have a spin move (!), but the Eagles have Josh Sweat firing at a similar clip and without a ridiculous overhead. It’s time to hit reset, take the L and bounce back.
It’s been 4 years since Elliott hit that iconic 53-yarder against the Giants. The Eagles paid him handsomely this offseason (for some reason) and what followed was a highly inconsistent campaign, ranking 28th in field goals, and making just one of three from the 20-29 yard range. Short the stock, find a new kicker.
Just do it.
The YOLO. An investment of all available funds in your account. Typically this comes with very little research and hopes of hitting big, but there is the occasional informed YOLO as well. These are stocks that could turn onto a rocket emoji and go to the moon overnight.
After a very strong rookie season, Miles Sanders spent most of 2020 probably wondering how many more crosswords he can complete before the Eagles actually use him. A few huge breakout runs saved his season statistically, but it was otherwise underwhelming. Sirianni loves to run the ball and has manufactured great seasons for Jonathan Taylor, Marlon Mack, Nyheim Hines. Expect the same kind of love and attention for Miles Sanders in 2021.
I had a player-crush on Alex Singleton after his dominant CFL career. Watching him come to Philly, explode in preseason, climb the special teams ladder and then end up breaking out in year two to a point he finishes 24th in the NFL in tackles, 5th among linebackers?! I’m in. YOLO every penny you have at Alex Singleton, who was an absolute penetrative machine last season, bursting through the trenches and wrapping up ball-carriers again and again.
A long-term investment
The safer investment for those of us with diamond hands. This is the way. Eagles together strong. We do not sell the stonk under any circumstance because we believe in its true potential.
If we learned anything this year, it’s that Jordan Mailata is a starting left tackle. Being dropped in the deep end after Jason Peters failed to do anything other than stand still, Mailata’s hunger, tenacity, and sheer size was a joy to behold. The only problem is that Andre Dillard is probably going to get a run as the starter first given that the Eagles invested a first-rounder to get him.
Pump and dump
Short-term potential, long-term, no idea? The stock goes green so you hop on for the ride and sell when the money printer goes brrr.
Latching on from Mailata’s section, this one is obvious. Pump the money into Andre Dillard’s stock for the next year or two, inflate trade value, and then ship him out so Jordan Mailata can take over the role full-time.
The meme stonk
GME, AMC, NIO, PLTR. If you’re a wall street bets regular, you know the deal. The more memes made, the higher the stock goes.
This man single-handedly changed my live-tweeting of games forever.
And now he’s a rapper, and a pretty good one too. Captain Cre’Von to the moon.
Photo by Rich Graessle/Icon Sportswire