We’ve all been there. Whether you were a Boy Scout, Girl Scout, or some other scout, you’ve experienced summer camp.
You went away from home for a week (hopefully with some friends in tow) around June or July, “slept” in either a sleeping bag or on a cot, stayed up by the campfire, and woke up early to dive into a pool for some reason.
The Phillies officially started their “Summer Camp” on Wednesday, gearing up for the 2020 MLB season. But what would it look like if the MLB Summer Camp was actually a summer camp?
Pack your bags and hop in the car. We’re going to Phillies Summer Camp.
Every respectable summer camp needs camp counselors. They were in your shoes 5-10 years ago and now they are the leaders. Some of them you absolutely love as human beings and others… well not so much.
For the Phillies, the counselors would be Joe Girardi, Joe Dillon, Bryan Price, and Matt Klentak.
Joe Girardi is that counselor that put off major cool dad vibes. He’d help you with whatever you needed but was also that strong presence.
Bryan Price is the counselor who had a more important role but wasn’t good at it and got demoted. You did hear from your older brother that he was awesome in his first role.
Joe Dillon has different ways of doing things because he’s younger than the other counselors. It’s his first year, but your older sibling actually went to camp with him.
Matt Klentak is the counselor that everyone hates. He tries to act cool, but it comes off as cringy. He buts heads with the other counselors constantly.
This category features the campers who are just naturally good at whatever they do, physically. This group includes Bryce Harper, J.T. Realmuto, and Jake Arrieta.
They hit bullseyes constantly at the archery and shooting ranges. They can paddle on the lake for hours. You see them exercising when no one else is. They all compete against each other at the ropes course to see who can get the best time.
Their machismo can get annoying at times, but for the most part they’re cool guys.
The Camp Veterans
This is the crowd that has been to summer camp for the last 4-5 years. They know the ins and outs of this place and even a few hidden gems.
Andrew McCutchen, Jay Bruce, Francisco Liriano, and Josh Harrison round out this group. They’ll all stick together and even have their own fire pit. If you play your cards right, they might just take you under their wing.
All you know is they’re who you want to be in 3-4 years.
The Fresh Faces
These campers are coming into their first full summer camp. They went to the day camp for a few years and now they’re moving up in the camping world.
This group includes Adam Hasely, Alec Bohm, Spencer Howard, Kyle Garlick, Connor Brogdon, and others make up this large group. There’s a chance they might not come back to camp next year. They’re still getting a hang of being away from home.
They look up to the camp veterans and try to imitate things that they do.
The Hammock Dude
This dude loves his hammock. He’s barely doing any camp activities even though he’s good at them. Hammock Dude just loves chilling out. You might get him to play cards with you or to head to the trading post to get some snacks.
Other than that, he just stays out of trouble.
It’s Aaron Nola. He’s Hammock Dude.
All camps have some pranksters, guys that don’t want to be there or just don’t follow the rules. It’s a wide-ranging group.
The Phillies that fall into this group include Nick Pivetta, Nick Williams, and Jake Arrieta. Yes, the groups can overlap.
They might be annoyed at the leadership or they might cut down an entire tree. There’s a ton of in-between. The one guarantee is that one of them is going to try to make a sleeping kid pee his pants by putting their hand in hot water.
It may not work, but they’re gonna try.
Every single year, without fail, this kid gets hurt more than any other camper. Most of the time it’s not ever his fault. Instead, it’s some terrible act of God. He ever tore his Achilles the one year.
Multiple campers will get cuts and bruises, but Roman Quinn is the medical tent’s favorite customer. Maybe this year is the year his luck changes.
Mandatory Credit: Jonathan Dyer-USA TODAY Sports