The Philadelphia 76ers‘ tumultuous season ended last weekend with the team missing the playoffs for the first time in seven seasons. The Sixers did their part to end with the best chance at retaining their draft pick and ultimately lifted a huge weight off the shoulders of the Philly fanbase by not putting them through the peril of the playoffs yet again.
Last year’s series against the New York Knicks was objectively one of the best first-round playoff matchups in the past decade. The issue is that it is hard to be objective when the team you root for is the one coming out on the losing end. Hell, it is probably pretty hard to be objective about it as a Knicks fan, too, due to the back-and-forth, stressful nature of each game in the series.
Oh, what it must have been like to be a fan of any other team and get to enjoy that series unbiasedly. Well, Sixers fans get to do that this year and never have to worry about when their team’s downfall is coming. Over the past 2,500-odd days of collecting scars, battle lines have been drawn. After assessing all 16 playoff teams from top to bottom, here is a definitive hater’s guide to watching the 2025 NBA Playoffs.
Evil empires
These are the teams that must be stopped by any means. The mere thought of any of these teams hoisting the trophy would be enough to ruin any Philadelphian’s summer if the Eagles had not just won the Super Bowl.
The reigning champion Boston Celtics are the only pure evil that can challenge the Dallas Cowboys in this city. If they become the first repeat champions since the Warriors had Kevin Durant, I will turn physically ill. They have bashed the Sixers’ skulls in for long enough; it is time they get a taste of their own very impressive medicine.
The New York Knicks are the most recent team to beat the Sixers in the playoffs in the aforementioned barn-burner in last year’s first round. Just a few months later, the Mets with that same New York blue and orange dispatched the Phillies in MLB playoffs. Their fans are just as insufferable as they claim Philadelphia fans to be, if not more. These are not our beloved Villanova Wildcats anymore. They are a sworn enemy who must be treated as such.
The Los Angeles Clippers have infractions everywhere. James Harden forced his way from the Sixers to the Clippers after forcing his way to the Sixers. Ben Simmons, who is now a Clipper, also forced his way off the Sixers in the same deal that netted Harden. The fact that they are teammates on a very good team is enough to make the brain hurt.
Then there is the playoff torture Sixers fans have experienced at the hands of Bogdan Bogdanovic, and most painfully, Kawhi Leonard. Also, I have to wonder if there was a wink-wink deal with Nicolas Batum when the Clippers traded him to the Sixers for Harden, and if they would have a deal for him in his upcoming free agency.
The Milwaukee Bucks are coached by Glenn Rivers, who is not a doctor. That is really the Bucks’ only issue regarding the Sixers, but it is a very, very large issue.
Disgusted if they win
The Golden State Warriors are doing what they can to keep a competitive team around Steph Curry in the latter stage of his career. That is respectable. What is not respectable is finding your way there by trading for the ever-disgruntled former Sixer, Jimmy Butler. It took Buddy Hield approximately 2 games played as a Warrior to amass more good games than he played as a Sixer.
The Denver Nuggets have to make this list because of the rivalry Sixers fans have had with Nuggets fans for years now. Then you get to the David Adelman factor. The Nuggets’ interim coach, David Adelman, gets a lot more spotlight and mention than Sixers’ partial owner, David Adelman, who candidly has a lot more money and much better hair. At least they paid Dario Saric!
The Detroit Pistons almost have everything you want in an underdog to get behind for a playoff run. But then you remember that they signed Tobias Harris to be the stabilizing veteran in the locker room. And we cannot forget about the self-proclaimed Sixers’ scapegoat, Paul Reed. Beating the Knicks would be amazing, beating the Celtics would be inconceivably great, but we do not need anything else.
Worse things in the world
The Los Angeles Lakers are one of the most intriguing teams heading into the playoffs, but the idea of having to resurrect the LeBron James GOAT debate if they win the title is daunting. There is no reason to dislike Shake Milton. I forgive Gabe Vincent‘s hot streak in the 2022 playoffs when he played for Miami.
The Miami Heat are not the same team we came to grow to hate over the past five years. It was nice to see Pat Riley not give in to Jimmy Butler’s chicanery. If Joel Embiid never breaks his face against the Raptors in the 2022 playoffs, maybe the Heat will never find themselves on this list. But as a team that has recently taken the Sixers out in the postseason, they have to be here.
The Cleveland Cavaliers would have been the easy rooting interest choice out of the East if they had not made one grievous miscalculation- trading away Georges “Bang Bang” Niang to the Atlanta Hawks. Nothing can be overlooked after that. And while I also forgive Max Strus for his contributions to beating the Sixers in the same series as Gabe Vincent against the Heat, I do not forgive the Cavs.
Any slight we can get
The Orlando Magic have maybe the most atrocious offense in all of basketball, and it somehow did not get better when they opted not to re-sign Markelle Fultz. I do not know which of the things is more unforgivable.
The Indiana Pacers have one thing going for them and two things going against them. TJ McConnell has become a folk hero, and we love to see that. But they also have Pascal Siakam, who helped beat the Sixers in the 2019 playoffs en route to winning it all. They also have Tyrese Haliburton, who has openly admitted that when he was traded away from Sacramento, he thought he was coming to Philadelphia. Not having the Tyrese-Tyrese combo on the Sixers still stings.
The Houston Rockets have to be here because of Fred VanVleet. Just like Siakam, he played a crucial role in bringing down the Sixers on his way to becoming a champion in 2019.
The Minnesota Timberwolves actually have nothing wrong with them in correlation to the Sixers. I blame the McDaniels’ parents for having twins and thus giving Daryl Morey the option of trading for the markedly worse basketball player of the two. Jaden McDaniels is a fun player, but he is guilty by association for the time spent watching Jalen McDaniels in a Sixers’ uniform.
The rooting interests
Only two teams can claim to be free of the Sixers’ vitriol: the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Memphis Grizzlies.
Even in light of this, the Thunder employ the one who got away from the Sixers, Isaiah Joe. They get a pass because letting him go was the Sixers’ fault. The Grizzlies had almost as embarrassing a year as the Sixers and are becoming increasingly difficult to root for, but they are the only roster with literally no relation to the Sixers.
As bad luck would have it, the Thunder and Grizzlies play each other in the first round. Very soon, we will only have one team—obviously the Thunder—left to cheer on. (Sorry, Memphis.)
We will take those chances with a team that just won 68 games in the regular season. Thunder Up!
